Hey, I'm Heather. I used to have a strong addiction to the concept of twin flames, and it hurt my mental well-being. In 2022, I realized that I had relationship OCD. It has been a personal journey, sometimes quite challenging, to overcome my addiction to love.
We're all familiar with addictions to things like food, alcohol, and drugs. However, have we ever considered that we're also addicted to the pursuit of love that seems unattainable, especially when it comes to twin flames? This addiction stems from deep emotional wounds and a lack of understanding about what healthy love truly looks and feels like. I never had a conversation with my parents about healthy love. It took me many years after my father's death to realize that I carried unresolved trauma from that loss, which affected my relationships, particularly one in particular. Eventually, I discovered that I have a fearful avoidant attachment style, meaning I yearned for closeness while simultaneously being terrified of vulnerability.
I felt a strong repulsion towards the idea of being close to someone, almost to the point of making me sick. Even when I became engaged, it didn't magically make all my fears about love disappear. It intensified them because I was now in a loving relationship with someone I deeply cared for, and the possibility of building a family together brought all my fears to the surface. As I started understanding these fears and learned more about relationship OCD, I became aware that for a significant part of my life, I had been chasing love from unavailable individuals. The thought of being with someone emotionally available meant I would have to confront my issues with vulnerability and allow someone to get close to me, which seemed overwhelming.
Though I desired closeness, I was terrified of getting hurt. The song "Terrified" by Terror Jr captures this feeling perfectly. I pretended to be fine on the outside but internally, I was screaming. I didn't mind being alone because I believed I hadn't found someone worth the risk. This fear and terror of love led me to become addicted to the idea of twin flames, chasing love from those who were unavailable. It was a belief that there was one perfect person destined to complete me and make me happy, even though it made me miserable in reality. I was chained to unhealthy beliefs.
So, what makes twin flame experiences addictive? Twin flame relationships involve an intense and immediate connection that surpasses ordinary experiences of love and attraction. It feels profound and meaningful, like encountering a long-lost part of oneself. This intense connection, combined with the spiritual significance attached to twin flames, sets the stage for an addictive pattern of pursuing love.
Many individuals believe that true happiness and fulfillment can only be found by reuniting with their twin flame. They become fixated on the idea that their twin flame holds the key to their wholeness and continuously seek and chase this elusive love to attain inner peace.
These relationships often resemble emotional roller coasters, characterized by extreme highs and lows. The intense connection creates a cycle of hope, longing, and disappointment, leaving individuals emotionally drained and unsatisfied. This roller coaster ride mimics addiction and can mirror the turbulence of a challenging childhood. While it may feel familiar and comfortable in some distorted way, it is far from healthy and shouldn't be the foundation for a lasting relationship.
People who grew up in toxic family dynamics may sabotage healthy love because it doesn't provide the intense highs and lows they crave. This connection between addiction to highs and lows and the twin flame dynamic offers the roller coaster experience and enough distance to keep someone deeply immersed in the fantasy of love without fully experiencing and showing up in that love. It becomes an escape and a fantasy. This phenomenon is often associated with limerence, which I discuss in one of my articles.
I want to clarify that most people who experience limerence have never been in a relationship with their supposed twin flame. Limerence can be mistaken for love because the emotions and behaviors associated with it are intense and captivating, similar to the feelings of love. Both limerence and love involve a strong emotional attachment to another person and can result in happiness, excitement, and euphoria. However, limerence is often based on idealized and unrealistic perceptions of the person, while love is founded on mutual respect, trust, and commitment to each other's well-being.
Love is defined by mutual and consistent investment, whereas limerence tends to idolize the person and overlook their imperfections. The obsessive thoughts and feelings associated with limerence provide temporary relief and comfort, leading to addictive behavior.
Just like with food, sex, drugs, and alcohol, these things provide an illusory escape where everything seems fine. As humans, we can get addicted to anything. I speak from personal experience as someone with addictive tendencies who has struggled with various addictions, including the chase for love. Currently, I'm working on my food addictions. It's not an easy journey, but I'm committed to doing the work.
I call out the twin flame concept in my articles because I see people falling into the toxic narrative around love, completely buying into it. It frustrates me to witness people being taken for a ride by a spiritual label that seems to be spreading like wildfire in the new-age community.
This attachment to the twin flame idea can manifest as possessiveness, codependency, and an inability to let go, even when faced with toxic or unfulfilling dynamics. Even if all evidence points to the fact that someone's supposed twin flame isn't interested, there is still a refusal to accept reality.
However, there is a positive perspective on twin flames. Despite the challenges and addictive tendencies associated with the pursuit of love in the twin flame journey, it presents significant opportunities for personal growth and self-discovery. I refer to these experiences as catalysts. They prompt individuals to examine their attachment patterns rooted in childhood, explore their fears and insecurities in relationships, and cultivate self-love, self-reliance, and wholeness.
The twin flame dynamic, regardless of how it's labeled, plays a crucial role in the evolution of many souls. It awakens profound questions, initiates soul-searching, and facilitates deep inner growth. That's the true gift of this experience. It challenges individuals to prioritize self-love, establish healthy boundaries, and find fulfillment and happiness independently of the connection.
Lastly, a key aspect of the twin flame journey involves surrendering and letting go of the need for external validation and union. This process requires individuals to detach from the outcome, trust in divine timing and cosmic alignment, and embrace personal growth and transformation, with or without the specific person they believe to be their twin flame.
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