TWIN FLAME HEALING: UNDERSTANDING THE PROCESS

 

There are many references to sexual energy and its power for personal growth, yet it's rare to find stories that truly illustrate its transformative potential. This is one of those stories. In every story, there is a moment when someone can break away from the past and begin a new chapter, aligned with the limitless potential of the human experience.

The lives we lead are shaped by the choices we make. What matters is not just what we choose, but how we carry ourselves once we decide to take a path that diverges from our usual reactions and routines. From that point on, we enter the unknown—a space where we start discovering who we are.

Years ago, I met a woman who later reached out to visit me. Let's call her Sarah. After several conversations, I agreed to meet her again, even though she was still entangled in a toxic relationship that left her with many unanswered questions. In any relationship, learning to be present can dissolve any toxic remnants people carry with them as if they were never there. When the present takes over, the past and future dissolve. Seeking answers is natural, but sometimes we don’t need them. Understanding why people make certain choices, or why they leave relationships unexpectedly, doesn't necessarily aid in healing or self-discovery.

When we saw each other again at the train station, we fell in love instantly; it was something we both saw coming. After she set down her baggage—both literal and emotional—we went to a wonderful restaurant with a male client I was mentoring at the time. He was struggling with connecting to women, so I thought it might be valuable for him to engage in a genuine conversation with a woman in a warm, relaxed setting. And it was.

Back at home, we found an intimacy that hadn’t been possible in the restaurant. The public setting and the presence of another person had created a space of playful tension, encouraging us to enjoy the moment. The first dance, the first touch, the first kiss followed naturally. There was no rush for anything more, but when I returned to my room, she was already there, undressed. Although I had prepared another room for her, my room—where I sleep on the floor—was neither an inviting space for physicality nor sex. What followed was a long prelude that, eventually and naturally, led to deeper intimacy.

When the moment for sex felt imminent, her body signaled reluctance, though she had been willing. She apologized, explaining that she wasn’t physically prepared. Looking into her eyes, I reassured her, choosing to slow down and honor her feelings. There is no need for apologies in moments like these; if one person isn’t ready, then neither partner is. Forcing intimacy when one partner is unready can destroy the foundation of trust and respect necessary for a healthy connection. True intimacy takes patience, empathy, and respect.

Sex is the last step in a relationship. Allowing intimacy to evolve naturally until both partners are truly ready makes it special. What might seem like a missed opportunity can become the foundation for something even greater. Entering the unknown requires courage, but it often brings profound growth.

Sarah was an attractive woman, which might have made resistance seem more challenging, yet beyond her looks, she was simply a person expressing her feelings. When she said she wasn’t ready, I heard her. In hindsight, forcing anything would have been wrong, though she might not have seen it as such. My approach to relationships emphasizes intimacy, as it takes time to truly know a person, build trust, and establish a friendship. Rushing into sex often undermines this process, and many adults lose the ability to play and explore authentically, leading to shallow connections and strained relationships.

At dinner, Sarah had expressed a desire to experience freedom in our time together. In any relationship, freedom is vital—it allows people to show up as their best selves without manipulation or pressure. Sarah’s wish for freedom from the outset created a unique dynamic where we could both simply be. Freedom is fundamental in relationships, even if it should go without saying.

The following days were filled with café breakfasts, long walks, and laughter as we got to know each other. We spoke about traumas, the impact of past experiences on relationships, and the power of love.

I approach everything with a clear intention, aiming to look beyond the surface. Aware that Sarah had recently emerged from a relationship where she felt like just an object of someone else's desire, I wanted to understand her perspective on intimacy and sexual dynamics. It became clear that, despite her willingness, she did not feel free or comfortable in a sexual context.

During one of our walks, I asked her what she would have felt if I had acted on my earlier threat. She replied that she would have lost all respect for me, just as I would for her. I then asked, "Why did you feel aroused?" It struck her that she had been excited by the thought of submission, even though that was not what she truly wanted. She asked if I knew the reason for this arousal, which needed to be explored further, as it relates to the topic of sexual healing—something deserving of its blog post.

By the third day, our connection and understanding of one another had deepened to such an extent that reality began to shift. While holding hands on a bustling street, she noted how we seemed invisible to those around us. Despite my attempts to draw attention to us, no one noticed. This could be understood as the energy we had generated raising our consciousness as if we were in a different dimension. When we returned home, I asked her if anyone had engaged with us, which she had overlooked. The only people who acknowledged us were society's outcasts: the homeless and the eccentric.

Earlier that day, we had entered a castle that was closed to the public. So elevated were we in love and awareness that we overlooked all the signs prohibiting entry. Sarah commented that the day felt like it encompassed multiple days in one, as time seems to stretch when fully immersed in the present moment. There was no need for food, nor did we feel tired. Throughout the week, our playful interactions were infused with sexual energy that was palpable and easily exchanged. We explored the idea of sex and our mutual desires while letting intimacy unfold naturally, savoring the moment without rushing.

Most of our discussions revolved around love, art, writing, music, and the potential for creating together or independently, alongside practical matters. The words we choose and the conversations we engage in shape our feelings and state of being—talk love, be love.

It's no secret that many men—though not all—might have seized the opportunity for sex even under inappropriate circumstances. There remains a pervasive need among men to possess and control women, a reflection of the patriarchal mindset deeply rooted in the male psyche. This mindset is a system and an energy, and how we respond to it defines us as men. It's crucial to remember that one man's actions resonate with all men; the repercussions of certain behaviors can be difficult, if not impossible, to heal.

The moment to experience and embrace freedom arrived. Sarah is a talented singer and songwriter, and before our meeting, she had shared some of her recordings with me, which I listened to attentively. While I recognized the song that could lead her to a realization of her freedom, I knew I couldn't impose it; it had to come from her, and eventually, it did, without my suggestion. One of the strengths of Gestalt therapy lies in its ability to create experiences where individuals can discover what they seek. This is possible due to the expansive energy focused on addressing their specific requests.

As Sarah sang her song, she recognized that she had already articulated her experience of freedom in her lyrics, and this theme permeated her music. It’s not unusual for someone to realize something they already possess through Gestalt techniques. Humanity often struggles to see itself clearly, and individuals frequently seek what they already have.

Throughout our time together, there has been much playfulness, deep conversations, and joyful moments. While our interactions included sexual playfulness, it emerged naturally, without pressure. For various reasons, I’ll refrain from sharing more intimate details. Although anyone can reach this heightened state of consciousness, I must emphasize that I act as a conduit for energy, which facilitates access to these experiences. Elevated states of consciousness can be achieved through the mind alone. Notably, during our time together, we were not focused on money or material concerns, nor were we criticizing the world or others; love was our central theme, even in practical discussions.

It's entirely possible to examine the impacts of society and its structures on individuals without harboring resentment.

However, it's important to clarify that this is just one shared experience, one truth among many; it is not the sole path to what people seek. Comparisons or competition—along with the accompanying emotions like envy, desire, or anger—can never be the way to happiness or love.