TWIN FLAME HEALING: UNDERSTANDING THE PROCESS

 

Relationships can be incredibly challenging and complex. After the initial "honeymoon" phase, many couples find that things begin to unravel; the once vibrant connection may start to feel strained, and the dynamics shift in ways that can be difficult to navigate. Over time, nothing seems to match the initial excitement, and eventually, the relationship might come to an end. The type of breakup I want to address today doesn’t apply to everyone, but many will find aspects of this article resonate with their own experiences. This discussion centers on relationships that end even when both individuals are still deeply in love. Sometimes, love alone is not sufficient to sustain a partnership.

Recently, I’ve been delving into the concept of twin flames, a fascinating and often misunderstood idea in the realm of relationships. If this topic intrigues you, you can find links to my blog posts on the subject at the end of this article. While my insights could certainly shed light on what happens when twin flames separate, I believe it’s crucial to move beyond rigid definitions and labels and to view relationships in a more organic and individualized way, free from the constraints of cultural constructs.

Today, I want to discuss the phenomenon of the "runner." This is someone who, despite being in love, feels an overwhelming and often inexplicable urge to end the relationship. The runner might make you believe that all the issues in the relationship stem from your behavior, leading to a dynamic where you question your worth. The breakup is often abrupt, catching you off guard. One day, you could be basking in the warmth of love, and the next, you find yourself grappling with profound loneliness, feelings of worthlessness, and the haunting realization that you may never see this person again—despite the undeniable love that exists between you.

At the core of the runner's behavior is a profound fear of commitment. For them, commitment symbolizes a loss of control, and autonomy, and a threat to their identity. They have developed an intricate internal playbook filled with emotional defenses—tricks and traps that serve as barriers to intimacy. It becomes alarmingly easy to fall into their patterns, and the more calm and accepting you are of their behavior, the more aggressive these emotional traps may become. Often, they will push your buttons just enough to create the justification they need to flee, twisting the narrative to suggest that the relationship's problems lie with you rather than within themselves.

A runner is often someone who has faced significant emotional challenges in the past—abuse, neglect, or an overwhelming amount of suffering during childhood. This background can manifest in various ways, making it essential to recognize that even those who appear to have had a stable upbringing can also become runners. They enter relationships with an intense passion that mirrors their desire to escape. For them, leaving a relationship often feels like a necessity rather than a choice, driven by an instinct for survival that overrides their love for their partner. Their internal conflicts create a cycle where they remain unaware of their issues, and as long as they avoid confronting their inner demons, they will continue to repeat these patterns.

Being a runner doesn’t inherently make someone a bad person. Many runners possess beautiful souls and kind hearts, yet their internal conflicts complicate romantic attachments. A relationship often serves as a mirror, reflecting the issues that need to be addressed within themselves. In this reflective process, individuals can identify aspects they wish to change, traits they dislike, and the qualities they love about themselves. However, this introspection can be painful and overwhelming, especially when the relationship brings their unresolved issues to the surface.

Runners tend to act quickly, often seizing the first opportunity to escape, and they may move from one relationship to another with alarming ease. Each new relationship is approached with the same fervor, but ultimately, no connection can resolve their internal struggles unless they actively choose to stay and work through them. Within a relationship, they often feel trapped, grappling with a loss of identity, a fear of losing their independence, and an overwhelming sense of entrapment. The first hint of affection can trigger an urgent need for space and freedom, leading them to withdraw and escape rather than confront their feelings.

Relationships elicit a range of emotions that can stir up unresolved issues from the past. Despite their love for you, the instinct for self-preservation often prevails, and they may see leaving as the only viable option. This departure is usually not taken lightly; they may leave even if it shatters their hearts, and in the process, they break your heart as well. Each time they choose to run, their heart suffers anew, but for them, loving from a distance often feels more manageable than facing their fears and healing from past traumas. They don’t leave because they lack love; in fact, they love deeply, but they are terrified of the vulnerability that comes with love.

If you’ve experienced abandonment without a clear explanation, it’s essential to recognize that their suffering parallels yours, if not exceeds it. When they flee from a relationship, they are not merely running away from you; they are escaping from themselves and their unresolved issues. The more they run, the more pain they will endure until there is no hiding left. Eventually, they may settle for someone who feels safe, someone who does not provoke the deep emotions that their true love elicits.

While they may never love this new partner as intensely as they loved you, avoiding a full emotional connection provides a sense of security. For a time, the loneliness may feel less daunting in the company of another person, as a more superficial relationship avoids intense emotional highs and lows. However, deep down, they continue to grapple with their understanding of love, perpetually searching for a connection that feels genuine and fulfilling.

Ultimately, no one can truly feel safe in a relationship with a runner. The complexity of their emotions, coupled with their fear of vulnerability, creates a cycle that can be difficult to break. Understanding these dynamics can offer clarity, but healing often requires both parties to confront their issues and seek a deeper understanding of love and connection. Only then can they begin to navigate their feelings and the realities of relationships in a healthier, more fulfilling way.

The challenge of fleeing from a relationship is that in doing so, we distance ourselves from our true selves. We are inherently meant to love and to be loved, and life is a journey centered around learning to embrace love. Evading love contradicts our purpose, no matter how difficult that may be to accept in the moment.

When a relationship ends, the shock affects the runner just as profoundly as it does the person left behind. This experience can plunge the runner into their darkest moments, creating an emotional limbo where love feels nonexistent. In this state, they often seek reasons to blame you for the breakdown, even if they never articulate this blame directly. This lingering feeling of guilt or responsibility can be incredibly heavy. If you lack emotional resilience, you might find yourself obsessively trying to understand what went wrong. Resist this urge! Stop asking questions that have no answers; it will simplify your life. Regardless of how hard you search for logic, you will find none, nor will you find a satisfying explanation.

We don't have to comprehend everything, and the actions of others are beyond our control. While we can grasp common patterns of behavior—hence the purpose of this blog—attempting to decode the intricate thoughts and feelings of someone else often leads to disappointment and prolongs heartbreak.

In the life of the runner, there exists a person they’ve left behind, someone to whom they know they must return to truly heal. This person might very well be you. If they don't make that return in this lifetime, the lesson will persist into the next. The concept of infinity ensures that no one can evade the consequences of separating from love. This situation will repeat until both individuals learn the authentic meaning and experience of love during their time on earth.

What the runner fails to grasp is that being with this person is crucial for their healing process. If you are the runner, understand that there is nowhere else for you to go; eventually, you will need to return to the person who made you feel at home. You know deep down that this connection is unique. Healing necessitates experiencing pain, but suffering is a choice. If all we perceive is pain, we miss out on a world filled with love and magic. Love lies behind the pain, just as it lies beyond fear.

Energetically, the runner remains connected to the person they left behind. No matter how hard they try to suppress it, there will always be reminders that evoke thoughts, feelings, and dreams of that person. This energetic bond is potent and undeniable, one that no one can truly escape. Therefore, running away is ultimately an illusion. Love is where we truly belong; fleeing from it may seem rational at the moment, but it only spirals into a deeper cycle of self-destruction.

At the same time, if the runner settles into a "safe" relationship, their new partner will likely sense that their heart is longing for something—or someone—else. This new partner may feel compelled to save the runner, a reflection of their lack of self-love, yet they will find ways to rationalize their position to sustain the relationship.

If you feel abandoned by the runner, recognize that they have also abandoned themselves. To heal their wounds, you must continue to love them—or at least cherish that part of them that once touched your heart. Harboring resentment will only hinder your healing. Our love for the runner should not mirror the romantic obsession depicted in movies; we love them because we deserve peace and freedom. If there was love once, it deserves to remain. Only unconditional love can mend a broken heart. Be grateful that their soul once danced with yours; that connection means more to them than you may realize, even if their departure gives the impression that their love was fleeting. The runner loves deeply, and it is this intensity that compels them to leave.

If you have been abruptly abandoned, it’s completely normal to feel devastated and shattered. Navigating these feelings is essential for your healing process. Perhaps the person who left was someone you would have done anything for. When we say, “I love you, and I’d do anything for you,” sometimes that “anything” means letting go. This is a profound expression of unconditional love. To grasp the concept of unconditional love, we must experience it, which underscores the significance of letting go.

If you are a runner, consider whether it’s time to stop running. Although confronting your demons may seem daunting, it’s always easier with the person who once touched your heart in a way no one else has. You know who they are and where to find them. It’s safe to return, for that is love, and that is home—where you truly belong. Home is the only place where you will discover the door to love.