Once the runner departs or decides to check out of the relationship, we are often left in a state of waiting.
Waiting can evoke one of the most agonizing feelings imaginable. It’s a period filled with uncertainty and longing, often accompanied by a sense of helplessness.
This waiting embodies the shadow side of the separation phase in twin-flame relationships. While you want to have faith in divine timing, you may also find yourself plagued by the fear that your doubts and insecurities are keeping them away (which simply isn't true). They are the ones creating the distance—due to their fears, shifting priorities, or simply not being ready to embrace love in its fullness.
We arrive at this waiting juncture when we feel we've exhausted all possible actions. There are no more perfectly crafted messages to send or requests articulated in just the right tone to elicit a response. We find ourselves in a frustrating void, characterized by silence or a lack of movement from our twin. Unfortunately, it appears they won’t change their stance anytime soon.
Your Waiting Persona and Twin Flames
In my coaching and hypnosis practice, I incorporate parts work, which is rooted in the Internal Family Systems (IFS) approach. This framework posits that each individual is comprised of a complex system of voices, personalities, or emotional states that interact with one another.
In the context of twin flame situations, the primary parts (or voices and thought patterns) often include Unconditional Love, Hope (for Reunion), Despair, the Wounded Inner Child, Brokenness, and others. Each of these parts contributes to our emotional landscape during this tumultuous time.
Our internal system often concludes that waiting is necessary for us to attain what we truly desire, driven by a craving for resolution—even if that resolution is painful.
Yet, another part of us arises, typically resistant to this waiting. This voice experiences feelings of anger, frustration, and injustice, perceiving it as deeply unfair to remain stagnant while the love of our lives engages in their pursuits without a second thought.
I invite you to take a moment to connect with the part of yourself that is currently waiting.
My Waiting Part
For me, my Waiting part manifests as a child who has been thrust into an adult role without preparation. This child does not want to be confined to the role of a lookout; it yearns for freedom and joy. Meanwhile, other more perfectionist or strategic parts push it to sit in a specific way, hoping to avoid coming across as desperate or pathetic.
The Waiting part is filled with profound sadness at the thought of missing out on life’s joys and opportunities for play. It harbors a reservoir of energy and thrives on action, movement, and collaboration with others.
It finds it difficult to remain still and resents the entire system for forcing it into this stagnant state. It is plagued by the uncertainty of how long it must wait. Some voices in my head insist it must endure for as long as necessary. No child wants to hear that!
Another voice may interject with the reminder that this is a unique experience for me; no one else can evoke these feelings within me. It may also suggest that if I do not wait and create space for them to return, it will feel like I am tearing my heart out of my chest.
The more assertive voices may urge the Waiting part to maintain hope, emphasizing that this is our one true love and that we must commit to waiting, regardless of the challenges involved.
Journal Exercises:
As you engage in introspection with your Waiting part, consider exploring the following questions in your journal:
Why does it feel compelled to wait? What specific signs or signals is it hoping to receive?
If it’s anticipating communication, does it feel free enough to pursue other interests, engage in play, and enjoy life while remaining alert for that text?
How likely is it that you would miss out on witnessing this person’s transformation and their return to your life, even if you were engaged in other activities?
What would your life look like if this person were already a part of it? Would you be volunteering your time, going back to school, or perhaps relocating to a new town?
How old is this Waiting part? Does it feel like a child, a teenager, or an adult?
When else has it had to wait? Reflect on past experiences during your childhood, adolescence, or adulthood.
How can the Waiting part remain vigilant while also feeling liberated, rather than as if it is being punished or wasting time?
Who assigned the Waiting part its role? Why does it believe that waiting is a good idea, or conversely, why does it see it as a bad idea? What options or choices does it perceive it has?
Where do I feel the sense of urgency in my body? What does that urgency desire or seek?
What power can be discovered within the act of waiting?
Here are several things you can do while waiting for your twin flame:
Date other people. Absolutely! While it's okay to take a break from dating, consider engaging with other masculine or feminine energies, even if it’s just through flirting. This won’t damage your twin flame connection; rather, it can help you practice being open-hearted and present. Assume your twin is also exploring connections with others.
Volunteer. Shift your focus from your suffering and reconnect with the needs of the broader world. While you may feel lost without love, remember that people are struggling with necessities like food and shelter.
Seek therapy or coaching. I’m not referring to twin flame tarot readings or psychic insights; instead, focus on healing yourself through methods like parts work or inner child therapy. My coaching approach incorporates all these elements.
Move your body and get outside.
Explore new hobbies. Redirect your energy, even if just for an hour. Engaging in new activities is far better than sitting alone watching tarot readings and overthinking.
Make new friends. Are you putting up with people who don’t truly resonate with you?
Develop your spiritual gifts. Meeting a twin flame can unlock unique abilities like telepathy and energy healing. Try practicing these skills with someone other than your twin flame.
Withdraw your energy from them. When you focus too much on them, it can overwhelm them and lead you to neglect your inner child. Notice how different it feels when you turn your energy inward instead of fixating on someone outside yourself.
Consciously send them love and healing energy. Don’t just get lost in your thoughts. Move your body! Remember, true power comes from within; your mind alone can’t resolve these feelings.
Mental Reframes:
Are you waiting, or are you practicing the art of patience?
Are you anticipating their response, or are they providing you with the space to address your own needs and inner parts in a way you’ve never had before?
Are you waiting for them to choose you, or are they offering you an opportunity to explore the parts of yourself you haven’t embraced throughout your life?
Are they taking too long to heal? Or are you imposing your timeline onto their journey? Not everyone feels the need to heal quickly—or at all. This reveals important insights about who they are.
Has something gone awry in the universe? Or are you discovering that what resonates in your soul and body may not always align with another person's reality?
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