Reminder: Twin flame runners often carry a different set of values and operate with a distinct nervous system that may not align with yours.
Even though they may feel safe and at home when they’re with you, they frequently struggle to find that same sense of security within themselves. For example, one of my runner clients exhibited this exact challenge. Despite the deep connection, he felt uneasy because he didn’t feel truly at peace with who he was.
Runners often remain tied to their current jobs or relationships because they feel an overwhelming sense of obligation. This sense of duty stems from a value system that they may not even fully understand, one that has been deeply ingrained by their upbringing, parental influence, and the cultural environment in which they were raised. Until they undergo a profound shift in these values, leaving these obligations is nearly impossible for them.
Sustained happiness is often a fleeting experience for them. For some, the notion of true happiness is so foreign that they become more comfortable with a state of mild contentment or even habitual dissatisfaction. It’s as if they’ve subconsciously committed themselves to being unhappy, fearing the instability that genuine joy might bring.
No matter how much love, support, or encouragement you provide, you cannot force your runner to recognize the benefits of reuniting or to embrace the deep connection you share.
You cannot "fix" them, and neither can their higher self because they possess absolute free will. The power to change lies entirely within them, and without their willingness to transform, any effort on your part will be in vain.
It’s easy to fall into the belief promoted by blogs and self-proclaimed experts that by working on yourself, you can indirectly change them. However, the reality is much more complex. Just as we can’t fundamentally change our children, pets, or anyone else, the same holds for our twin flames. While your personal growth can influence the dynamics of the relationship, significant changes in another person require their conscious effort and often the guidance of a skilled professional.
Even when a deep soul connection exists, the dominant energy within the relationship is often the lower vibrational energy. This means that rather than lifting them to your level, you are more likely to be pulled down to theirs. You might manage to elevate their energy temporarily, especially when you’re physically together, but in the absence of your influence, they will likely revert to their default frequency.
The documentaries on Twin Flame Universe starkly highlight this truth. No matter how much self-improvement you undertake, you cannot heal someone else’s deep-rooted attachment wounds. These wounds run too deep to be resolved simply through the love and energy you offer.
Looking back, I wish someone had shared this insight with me during my journey. I poured my heart and soul into becoming vibrationally perfect, believing that this would lead to a harmonious reunion. I never doubted the strength of our love or our potential future together. I practiced patience and understanding, diving into every book on love, energy, and spirituality that I could find. While I did see some progress in him, I eventually came to the painful realization that he wasn’t going to transform enough—not within the next five years, at least.
I wish I had known earlier how difficult it can be for some people to truly love. How fear of change and vulnerability can create an almost insurmountable barrier.
It wasn’t until I embarked on my inner work that I began to comprehend the immense effort required to confront and heal your wounds and ingrained patterns. Simply receiving love or healing energy from another person is not sufficient.
Allow me to emphasize this point:
If a person does not deeply value love and connection, is afraid of it, or finds it unfamiliar or unnecessary, progress becomes nearly impossible. They may crave the experience of love and connection occasionally, but they must address the underlying issues that cause them to push love away. Until they do so, any efforts to move the relationship forward will be met with resistance.
Even if their soul recognizes that this connection is the best one for them, they still have the free will to choose otherwise. The journey toward union is not one you can walk for them.
As a chaser, I understand the lengths you’ve gone to to make things easier for them. You’ve laid your heart bare, assured them of your willingness to make significant sacrifices, and repeatedly emphasized that they are safe and loved. Yet, despite all this, it’s still not enough. It will never be enough until they decide to embark on their journey of transformation.
It’s crucial to understand that it’s not about you not being enough for them. You may find yourself wishing you were younger, more attractive, lived closer, or were more flexible about certain aspects like monogamy, but these factors wouldn’t fundamentally change the situation. The real obstacles are not external—such as their spouse, children, or work commitments—but internal. The true challenge lies in their unresolved wounds and their reluctance to face the deep work required to heal.
Many runners often struggle with feelings of inadequacy when it comes to being with you.
From a young age, some individuals are conditioned to avoid moving toward love. They may prioritize obligations over genuine connections, choosing responsibilities that keep them safe rather than pursuing what could bring them happiness. Others might engage in self-sabotage, undermining all the positive aspects of their lives.
Some individuals have lower needs for intimacy and connection, making them indifferent to the idea of changing their lives for the sake of love. Our nervous systems can often override our spirits and hearts, causing us to cling to safety—whether that means protecting ourselves from failure, abandonment, or emotional constriction. While remaining in current commitments and obligations may not lead to happiness, it provides a sense of security.
As chasers, we often pursue runners even when love is no longer present, finding it feels safer than letting go to seek a new soulmate. This creates a similar struggle for us.
We may sacrifice our entire selves—our energy, power, and more—just to try to entice the runner back into our lives. Our hope drives us, often pushing us into exhaustion. Even the faintest glimmer of hope can ignite a relentless pursuit to understand what’s happening in the relationship.
Eventually, chasers reach a point of deep despair and devastation due to the dynamics of the relationship. In exchange for our complete heart and soul, we receive very little in return, which can be incredibly painful.
Do runners experience pain too?
Yes, they do, but they are often more accustomed to that kind of hurt and can compartmentalize it. They might think of you during quiet moments in the evening, yet they don’t interpret these thoughts as reasons to reach out. Often, they perceive signs and synchronicities as mere distractions. Trust me, my runner client was aware of all of them; she felt your energy and everything else.
Eventually, their love and longing for you can accumulate like a dam ready to burst, prompting them to come rushing back. In those moments, the part of them that seeks safety and comfort prevails. However, as life resumes its normal pace, you may find yourself struggling once again to establish that connection.
If you’re looking for more clarity about yourself and your twin flame, don’t hesitate to reach out. I’d be happy to discuss it further.
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