I invested considerable time seeking affection in superficial realms. I distributed fragments of myself to undeserving individuals and endured pain, convinced it was my due. However, upon releasing the compulsion to force mismatched puzzle pieces together and letting go of the concealed animosity stored within the scars adorning my heart, I encountered you.
As awakened spiritual beings, we recognize our inherent capacity to ascend to higher planes, elevate our energy, and gain profound insights into our spirituality and connection with the divine. Throughout this pursuit, we catch fleeting glimpses of an elusive higher reality that proves challenging to sustain. We leap, only to experience repeated crashes, wondering why the desire to soar is met with persistent setbacks.
This cyclic pattern manifests in our lives as we navigate crises, questioning our faith in God, the purpose of existence, and our intuition and wisdom down to the core. It underscores our fragility, emphasizing our insignificance compared to the omnipotence of God. The reason for our recurrent falls lies in the necessity to completely trust God for true surrender and its accompanying benefits. Until we acknowledge this and relinquish control to God, our faces will continue to meet the ground, as God possesses the power to reduce us to nothing repeatedly.
Surrendering is not a result of weighing pros and cons or a deliberate choice; rather, it emerges after years of seeking purpose, serenity, meaning, a deeper connection with others, or attempting to control our behavior. Hence, surrender typically follows an extensive journey of exploration, and once it transpires, the seeker is keenly aware that it is not just the right option but the only one. Surrender serves as a clarion call to the wanderer lost in the desert, prompting clear vision. It involves relinquishing the old, discarding what no longer serves us, and constructing the world we have always envisioned.
This transformative stage remains elusive until we comprehend the necessity of complete surrender to God. Mere frustration or giving up on love is not surrender; it's resignation. True surrender entails wholeheartedly accepting and acknowledging everything present. In my personal experience, it meant giving my beloved the rightful space and role in my life, irrespective of the implications for my marriage, sanity, and whether he reciprocated. No alternative existed for me; finding peace and embracing my true self required accepting his significance in my life and aligning with what I perceived as God's will for me.
This demands a substantial leap of faith and marks a significant stride in our spiritual evolution. In surrender, we are urged to release control over the uncontrollable—a challenging feat for those who clung to control as if their lives depended on it. Through surrender, we recognize the profound disconnection from ourselves, others, and God, while simultaneously understanding the potential necessity for such detachment. It becomes evident that both significant and subtle changes are imperative.
Surrender signifies the cessation of resistance and conflict. Although the struggle may be against external forces hindering the fulfillment of our desires, we come to understand that this is merely a reflection of the internal conflicts within ourselves. The true adversary lies within, and achieving peace with others necessitates confronting our inner demons and dismantling our ego. This involves ceasing the battle against both ourselves and others. Through complete acceptance of our entire being—the good, the bad, and the ugly—we become capable of embracing others as they are. This acceptance, however, does not hinder our commitment to self-improvement or our desire to contribute to the world's harmony and beauty.
Surrender marks the moment when we are ready to unite with God. It reveals our complete dependence on God alone. The act of surrender allows us to be transformed into nothing, enabling God to manifest within us. It is a moment of liberation, deep peace, and serenity. Surrender demands that we die to ourselves—shedding preconceived notions of who we are, should's and should not's, cannot and will not's. Creating space within ourselves for God to operate through us is essential. Once we yield to God's guidance, we effortlessly receive inspiration. Recognizing that everything occurs according to His will aligns our will with His, ensuring a constant abundance of God's presence within us. We are never left emptied or vacant.
My resistance to the truth of my connection with my beloved and its implications for my life was the final obstacle I had to overcome. Acknowledging and granting rightful space to that profound love, irrespective of his physical presence, became crucial. Understanding that this connection will persist, regardless of external circumstances, was the last aspect I had to accept about myself.
Throughout the years of my beloved's physical absence, I experienced a profound spiritual connection both with him and my Creator. I reached spiritual heights that many only dream of, learning to trust and follow the subtle voice within my heart. My love for him remained steadfast and unyielding, fostering intuition and granting me numerous revelations that fueled my spiritual growth. I discovered that the more spiritually empowered we become, the greater the need for surrender. This calls for relinquishing deeply held truths in our hearts. In essence, the surrender of the love that facilitated my closeness to God was necessary. The deeper my surrender, the more God could work through me.
Contrary to expectations, surrendering this love didn't diminish it; instead, it grew stronger. Rather than dwelling on the past, the love found renewal in each present moment, revitalizing internal vision and emotion. This process affirmed what is, what is evolving, and what will be. Suddenly, everything, including the transformation of my beloved upon his return, fell into place as I had always envisioned. Everything unfolds in perfect harmony, for only God truly comprehends all things. Our role is simply to choose God and allow Him to orchestrate everything else.
Separating from my beloved would only lead to a disconnection from myself. He is an integral part of my energetic makeup, the person who reflects me in the most profound and unfiltered way. Our silent understanding was evident in the mountain meadow under the crescent moon and stars, with love and friendship flowing between us. Yet, through surrender to the present moment, it became clear that the journey is about being true to myself – to All That I Am. In surrender, I became malleable clay in God's hands, ready to be shaped into the exact form He desires.
When we embrace the reality before us and surrender, numerous insights and blessings can flow into our lives. Clarity emerges regarding what aligns with our true path and what requires transformation. With our eyes wide open and trust placed in God, we gain a clear understanding of where action is needed. This shift also unveils the deeper purpose behind the relationships and connections available to us. We become consciously aware of who is right for us and the type of relationship we desire in our lives.
For me, this meant rejecting anything less than the soul-stirring, transformative love that I always believed in and found with my Twin. Once we've tasted the completeness and rightness of loving and being loved fully as eternal souls, we realize that nothing more or less will suffice. The presence of anything in our lives that doesn't resonate with this love becomes intolerable, regardless of its merits or reasons. Our ultimate and sole hope lies in our internal vision and the trust that where there is God, a way unfolds.
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