TWIN FLAME HEALING: UNDERSTANDING THE PROCESS

 

Two years ago, I encountered an individual who I began to perceive as my "twin flame," symbolizing the missing part of myself that would bring about completeness through reunion. He seemed to perfectly embody the male character I had fabricated and fantasized about throughout my life. I delved into various twin flame-focused blogs, YouTube videos, and email newsletters, attempting to decipher the steps necessary to achieve our "union." I believed that my previous toxic relationships had equipped me with the necessary skills to navigate such a demanding connection. I clung to the idea that there existed one person and one relationship that would make sense of all the hardships I had endured, hoping that this person would eventually comprehend and accept me fully.

Regrettably, I disregarded the feelings of "spiritual connection" I had experienced with past partners, as well as the belief that each of them could be the "prince" I was searching for. I also failed to acknowledge that I was once again falling into a codependent pattern, seeking the fulfillment of my childhood fantasies and healing in someone else, along with all the dysfunctional behaviors that accompanied it.

Consequently, I continued to consume twin flame-related content, even as doubts arose regarding its exploitative nature for generating ad revenue. When he relapsed into his addictive habits, I blamed myself, convinced that he was mirroring my uncertainty about his ability to recover or my capability to sustain a healthy relationship. Each time we grew closer, I believed that the promise of "reunion" was within reach, only to be devastated when we regressed into a state of distance (referred to as the "runner" state, reminiscent of the classic love-avoidant and anxious attachment dynamic I often found myself drawn to).

But what was truly happening here? Why did the twin flame illusion have such a powerful grip on this particular connection? My current belief is that it holds partial truth—there exists an internal psychological divide between the female and male archetypes (referred to by Jung as the anima and animus) that must be reconciled and integrated within a healthy relationship. It is tempting to enact this fantasy within a relationship where the effects are more apparent, especially when the person embodies the traits of the rejected aspect of oneself. Specifically, he reminded me of a childhood fantasy character, a "villain turned good," and coincidentally, on the night we met, he described that as one of his inner archetypes, unbeknownst to me mentioning it.

At some point during the past year, I began to question what it would entail to resolve these inner archetypal conflicts without his assistance, or even if he merely served as a reminder of what they represented. I envisioned different aspects of myself as distinct characters, at times journaling from their perspectives to uncover the messages I had been neglecting from within. Gradually, I started recognizing the rejected parts of myself that I saw mirrored in him—the aspects my previous therapist would have referred to as "exiles." This year, I have become more comfortable acknowledging the truth about my behaviors, coinciding with the emergence of several articles exposing the exploitative and cult-like nature of twin flame communities. In recent weeks, I finally recognized that the issues my "twin" struggled with regarding compulsive sexuality were also issues I had disregarded while pursuing relationships and fantasies.

In my view, twin flames do exist, not necessarily in the spiritual sense of two halves completing a whole, but rather in the psychological sense of two complete individuals reminding each other of their forgotten selves. It is acceptable to love that person from a healthy emotional distance, even without a "reunion," without resorting to magical thinking, manipulation, or projecting unmet needs onto them. Instead, it is more beneficial to invest effort into reconnecting with the parts of yourself that yearn for this connection so intensely, for you are your twin flame.