TWIN FLAME HEALING: UNDERSTANDING THE PROCESS

 

What is twin flame codependency? Are you neglecting your own needs while focusing on healing your soul connection? Could it be codependent behavior if you’re prioritizing their growth over your own, assuming you don’t need much work on yourself?

This article explores twin flame codependency and the emotional wounds often intertwined with it.

In my experience, challenging soul connections, sometimes referred to as twin flames, enter our lives to reveal parts of ourselves we might have been avoiding. We may have felt like we were on the right path—spiritually aware, thriving, even helping others—when suddenly, this person arrives, and things take a downward turn. It’s tempting to wish things were back to “normal.”

However, that “normal” was incomplete. This is an invitation to develop deeper resilience.

In any soul connection, whether it’s called a twin flame or something else, a codependent dynamic won’t last—it usually leads to separation.

Can Twin Flames Harm Each Other? Some say twin flames never cause each other pain or carry any darkness. They suggest that if someone upsets or triggers you, they’re not your twin flame, and you should seek someone else.

I find this view disconnected from reality.

Think of the times we’ve hurt those we love most. Were our intentions harmful? Most of us believe we’re right until we learn otherwise. The deeper we know ourselves, the more we see our imperfections in love.

Unawakened twin flames do hurt each other. They blame, criticize, and demand. They may project their wounds onto each other, place the other on a pedestal, or chase while despising themselves. They can get lost and make mistakes just like anyone else.

Usually, it’s not your twin flame that hurts you—it’s the expectations and meaning you attach to their actions or lack thereof. We often create an idealized, spiritual fantasy that clashes with reality. For example, questions like “How do I know if my twin flame wants to contact me?” may be answered simply by, “If they do, they’ll reach out.”

The idealization of twin-flame love often leads to confusion between codependency and unconditional love. Without solid examples of true love or spiritual strength, we might avoid love entirely or confuse it with “fixing” others.

Do we know the difference between codependency and Divine love? Between loving unconditionally and being a doormat? Between setting boundaries and pushing others away?

Twin Flame Codependency and Inner Child Healing Codependent love stems from a wounded inner child. Unhealed wounds lead us to cling to even small bits of affection or to push our twin flame away. We might logically understand that this behavior isn’t helpful but still act in these ways, almost against our will.

This wounded inner child believes they aren’t “good enough,” a view reflected in everything: our bodies, education, skills, identity, and more. Our very selves feel inadequate.

As sensitive souls, we may have hidden behind a “strong” or “rational” persona, reinforcing shame and insecurity. Without a core sense of worthiness, we may seek validation from external sources.

Are we trying to rescue or heal others to feel valued ourselves?

The problem is, most people don’t want to be “fixed”—though they might welcome certain comforts without reciprocation. This cycle of disappointment and neglect can erode our self-worth further.

True healing from twin flame codependency doesn’t come from silencing the inner critic or numbing it with distractions. It requires recognizing this critical voice as part of us and embracing it with love. Accept yourself as you are, without pretense or forced strength. Just be.

Our inner child is the playful, loving part of us, eager to learn, forgive, and begin again. When our inner child “acts out,” it’s often a sign of suppressed pain in our subconscious.

Twin Flame Codependency: The Urge to “Rescue” the Other As mentioned, the need to “fix” others can signal our feelings of inadequacy. Focusing outward can be easier than facing inner pain.

The question is, are we rescuing others out of unconditional love, or to avoid facing self-criticism?

For many, especially women, it’s essential to avoid the romanticized trap of “unconditional love” as a sacrifice. The “virtues” of giving unconditionally, often taught to women, have not always aligned with Divine, unconditional love.

Are you only able to recognize a distorted version of yourself in another because you’re avoiding seeing your truth? Imagine there’s no one to save—can you fully love someone strong, abundant, and self-sufficient? Would you embrace a stable partner, kind, and always there for you? Or does stability seem “boring”? When was the last time you felt drawn to a good, caring, and reliable partner?

Escaping twin flame codependency involves walking a balanced path between compassion and wisdom. It requires the ability to kindly yet firmly say “no” to the wounded inner child within, who may kick and scream, insisting on getting what it wants. However, this path also teaches us to see past the surface tantrums and recognize the true beauty and vulnerability of the heart beneath.

Why Does My Twin Flame Reject Me?

One of the deepest triggers for codependency is the fear of rejection—the terror of losing one’s “one true love” forever. The idea of rejection can evoke fears of abandonment, isolation, and the perceived loss of divine love. When your twin flame seems to reject you, they’re not withholding love but rather refusing to validate what you think is love. They cannot provide a connection based on unrealistic expectations or unhealthy patterns, and neither can you.

Twin flame codependency is not a sustainable dynamic. Your twin cannot give you what you haven’t yet learned to give yourself. They may want to meet your needs, but until you are whole within yourself, neither of you can create the stable, fulfilling connection you seek.

Regardless of how unawakened, flawed, or seemingly unspiritual your twin flame appears, they are gifting you the opportunity to learn what love truly is. This journey is less about their awakening and more about yours.

Twin Flame Codependency & Separation

Meeting your twin flame can trigger a profound soul awakening. The surge of energy generated in this encounter can activate your entire being, calling up hidden aspects of your soul, from its loftiest heights to its deepest, long-forgotten shadows.

This energetic awakening partly explains what happens during the twin flame separation phase. Previously dormant or disconnected parts of us cut off from love and light, are suddenly awakened and ache for connection. But instead of looking inward, we may cling to the idea of our twin flame as a “Divine Lover” who can save or complete us. Yet, they are not God, and neither are we. Twin flame codependency is often an unconscious attempt to grasp divine love too soon, for the wrong reasons.

The ancient saying, “The one who knows himself, knows his Lord,” reflects the crux of this search. Our desperate attempts to find divine love in our twin flame indicate a lack of self-knowledge. The journey is not about rescuing or transforming the Other; it is about finding and rescuing ourselves.

Until we heal this deep longing for divine love, we may remain in a cycle of disappointment, sometimes for decades or even lifetimes. The light of the Divine must touch the dark, fragmented parts of our soul—those parts that were severed by trauma and continue to hide in fear. These fractured aspects of ourselves often fear further pain or darkness, making them reluctant to open to healing.

Twin Flames as Mirrors of Divine Love

The twin flame relationship mirrors what we truly believe about love and what we feel we deserve. If we think that God, the Universe, or the Source doesn’t care for us, we may look to our twin flame for validation, even tolerating hurtful behavior in hopes of filling that void. Their actions will likely confirm our belief in lack, reinforcing the story we tell ourselves: “Even the Universe doesn’t want me to be happy.”

The actual lesson here is to learn how to receive love directly from Source. Real love isn’t about what someone can give us, nor about seeking love from others; it’s about allowing ourselves to become love.

If we view love as something external or as something that others must provide, we are giving away our power. Many of us have been conditioned by society and our soul’s past experiences to see love as an external commodity, something we must earn by changing ourselves to meet the standards of others.

This belief often stems from our upbringing. Our parents, who were shaped by their own experiences and limitations, often projected the notion of conditional love. When we imagine the Divine as punishing or judgmental, it’s easy to believe we must “earn” love from God, too. But by doing so, we create a God in our flawed image, a being whose love is never attainable.

The Journey to Divine Love Within

We do not have to earn love by sacrificing ourselves or rescuing others. We are love. With or without a twin flame, alone or surrounded by people, wealthy or struggling, this inner love is an eternal treasure that no one can take away.

The journey of twin flames, at its core, is a journey of self-love and spiritual growth. It’s about remembering that love originates from within and that we do not need to chase or change ourselves to deserve it. Only by truly accepting and nurturing this divine love within ourselves can we attract a harmonious connection with another—whether they are a twin flame or simply a fellow soul on this shared path of awakening.

Through learning to love ourselves fully and unconditionally, we break free from the cycle of twin flame codependency. This inner union, the merging of our soul’s compassion and wisdom, will naturally reflect in our outer relationships. No longer seeking to “fix” the Other, we become a source of unconditional love, peace, and acceptance—free from illusions, free from the chase.