TWIN FLAME HEALING: UNDERSTANDING THE PROCESS

 

Two years ago, I encountered an individual whom I later regarded as my "twin flame," symbolizing the missing part of myself that would bring about a sense of wholeness upon reunion. He perfectly matched the male character I had envisioned and fantasized about throughout my life. In an attempt to understand how to achieve our "union," I delved into twin flame-focused blogs, YouTube videos, and email newsletters. I believed that my previous toxic relationships had equipped me with the necessary skills to navigate such a complex connection. I remained hopeful that there existed one person and one relationship capable of making sense of all the hardships I had endured. I longed for this person to fully comprehend and accept me.

Disregarding the spiritual connections I had experienced with past partners, as well as their potential as the "prince" I had sought, I overlooked the fact that I was once again exhibiting codependent behavior by searching for fulfillment of childhood fantasies and wounds in another person, along with all the dysfunctional patterns that accompanied it.

Thus, I continued to consume twin flame-related content, even though I began to suspect that my feelings were being exploited for advertising revenue. When he relapsed into his addictive habits, I blamed myself, believing that he mirrored my doubts about his ability to recover or my capacity for a healthy relationship. Every time we grew closer, I anticipated the imminent fulfillment of our "reunion," only to be crushed each time we reverted to a state of distance (referred to as the "runner" state), which aligned with the classic combination of love avoidance and anxious attachment that I was drawn to.

But what was truly happening here? Why did the twin flame illusion hold such power over this particular connection? My current belief is that it partly stems from a genuine issue — a fragmentation within the inner psyche between the female and male archetypes (referred to as the anima and animus by Jung) that necessitate reuniting within a healthy relationship. It is tempting to act out this fantasy in a relationship where its effects are more directly observable, especially when the person possesses traits similar to the rejected aspects of oneself. Specifically, he reminded me of a childhood fantasy character who transformed from a villain to a good person, and coincidentally, on the night we met, he even mentioned this as one of his inner archetypes without my prior mention.

At some point during the past year, I began questioning what it would mean to resolve these inner archetypal conflicts without his involvement, or if he merely served as a proxy to remind me of their existence. I envisioned different parts of myself as characters, occasionally journaling from their perspectives to uncover the messages I had been disregarding. Gradually, I started recognizing the rejected aspects of myself that I had seen reflected in him, which my former therapist would have referred to as "exiles." This year, as several articles exposing the exploitative and cult-like nature of twin flame communities surfaced, I grew more comfortable acknowledging the truth about my behavior. In recent weeks, I finally recognized that the issues my "twin" had with compulsive sexuality were also issues I had ignored in my pursuit of relationships and fantasies.

I believe twin flames are indeed real, not necessarily in the spiritual sense of two halves completing a whole, but rather in the psychological sense of two complete individuals reminding each other of their forgotten selves. It is acceptable to love that person from a healthy distance, even without a "reunion," without resorting to magical thinking, manipulation, or projecting unmet needs onto them. Instead, it is more productive to focus on reuniting with the parts of oneself that desperately require this connection. After all, you are your twin flame.