Many individuals claim that the encounter with their twin flame occurs later in life. However, I defied this notion as I met my twin when I was merely 16 years old, though I was oblivious to the concept of twin flames at that time. He, on the other hand, was 22 years old.
Even at such a young age, I felt an inexplicable and distinct attraction towards him. Both of us were aspiring dancers in the Los Angeles dance industry. Our initial meeting, when he drove me home from a rehearsal, led to an immediate bond. I became infatuated with him. Our first encounter revealed striking similarities and synchronicities, but as we got to know each other better, we discovered significant differences as well. These shared similarities kept us connected, while the differences helped us expand our minds and grow individually. For instance, our last names, backgrounds, and strengths differed greatly.
In terms of our yin and yang qualities, I possessed more feminine aspects, driven by feelings rather than logic, whereas he embodied the opposite. Even to this day, we find ourselves as opposites in the physical world. When I thrive in my career and finances, he may not, and vice versa. It's as if we are perfect mirrors of each other.
The age difference initially posed a challenge to our union. He wanted to wait until I turned 18, and I understood his perspective. We felt a magnetic pull drawing us together, but another force seemed to keep us apart. I wondered, "What kind of twisted joke is this?"
By the time I reached 18, I experienced intense emotions of depression, confusion, and awakening. Both he and I naturally drifted away from our dancing careers without fully understanding why, coincidentally at the same time. Eventually, we realized that we no longer supported the superficial aspects of the Los Angeles dance industry. I did not want to participate in music videos where I was objectified, reinforcing the brainwashing and inauthentic messages prevalent in mainstream music.
Initially, he was the one who pulled away, displaying hot and cold behavior and distracting himself from other women. I couldn't comprehend his actions and constantly felt inadequate, which led me to chase after him relentlessly. This pattern continued for years, with periods of separation and growth in our connection. Surprisingly, the roles have now reversed, and I find myself being the one who wants to run, something I never anticipated.
Over time, we have managed to find more balance and equilibrium in our connection. Fast forward to the present, I am now 21 years old, and he is almost 29. We have been living together for about a year and a half.
When I reflect on my life, there is so much to be grateful for and happy about. However, my emotions paint a different picture.
Fear and intuition.
These have been my most profound struggles for the past two years or more.
It feels as if there is an unexplainable force or inner knowing that repels me from him. There is no worse feeling than yearning to be with someone with all your being while feeling unable to do so. It defies logic and is challenging to explain, especially to him. It simply boils down to a feeling.
For years, I have asked myself, "Is this fear or intuition?" And I have concluded that it has been both all along.
Fear: The fear runs deep, but I cannot pinpoint exactly what I am afraid of. It engulfs me with anxiety from the moment I wake up until I fall asleep.
Intuition: Alongside this fear, I have also experienced a subtle yet persistent feeling—my intuition. I have denied it for years, suppressing and disregarding it. Deep down, I know that I love him, but simultaneously, I feel unprepared or that the timing isn't right. Yet, I refused to believe it. However, it has never faded away. This persistent feeling in my gut confirms that it is my intuition.
So here I am, on my journey. I may be the one wanting to run, or perhaps I intuitively recognize the need to heal independently.
It has been a mystical journey, one that leaves bruises on your bones but keeps the flame of love alive in your heart. Everything has unfolded divinely. I am grateful for what has come my way and what awaits me in the future.
I hope sharing my story has helped others understand their journeys or made them feel connected in some way. Thank you for allowing me to express my thoughts. It is truly a relief!
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