Before I transitioned into studying psychotherapy, I was deeply immersed in the world of self-help. I eagerly consumed books, enrolled in courses, and attended conferences to manifest my dreams. Every experience left me feeling more optimistic and confident in my ability to attain the life I desired. However, as time passed, I found it increasingly difficult to ignore the troubling aspect of the self-help industry that was becoming more prevalent: the fusion of self-improvement with a harmful brand of spirituality. We are currently experiencing a surge of spirituality, with influencers, life coaches, authors, athletes, and even psychologists sharing packaged tools from their own personal "awakenings." This Instagram-friendly version of spirituality portrays it as something that can be accessed through affirmations, meditation, yoga, and introspection, and is presented as a solitary journey that implies anyone who fails is simply not trying hard enough. I firmly reject this notion. This type of thinking not only fails to assist individuals but also creates a toxic environment. Here is what it sounds like.
While it may be tempting to believe that we have complete control over our lives, the reality is that our circumstances are influenced by external factors such as societal structures and power dynamics. It is important to recognize that not everyone has the same level of privilege and opportunity. The idea that we are all equally capable of changing our lives fails to acknowledge the existence of systemic oppression and can be dismissive of those who have been marginalized by these systems. It is easier to focus on individual responsibility, but it is crucial to also consider the impact of history and our environment on our circumstances.
Many people view the ego as an adversary that must be eradicated. However, in my experience, the term "ego" is now used to refer to a range of defense mechanisms, emotions, experiences, and unmet needs. Treating the ego as an enemy implies that these feelings and needs are weaknesses that need to be overcome. This approach encourages individuals to engage in an internal power struggle, which can be counterproductive and detrimental. A more compassionate and constructive response would be to acknowledge and accept these different parts of oneself.
Furthermore, it is not helpful or fair to suggest that individuals need to do more work or examine their reactions when they express anger in response to an injustice or personal attack. Anger is a natural and valid emotion that can unlock empathy and motivate positive change. Dismissing someone's anger or using it to question their reality is a form of spiritual gaslighting that avoids addressing the root cause of the anger. We should embrace our anger and use it as a tool for understanding and promoting justice.
Although meditation has numerous benefits, it is important to acknowledge that it may not be suitable for everyone and can even be distressing for some. For instance, someone who has undergone trauma may experience emotional arousal and flashbacks when asked to focus on their internal experience. The notion that meditation is simply about staying with one's experience implies that those who do not experience its benefits are not putting in enough effort. However, it is not always easy to stay present with oneself without experiencing inner turmoil.
While having a positive outlook and visualizing one's goals can be motivating, it is important to recognize that it is not always feasible or necessary to cultivate a positive mindset. At times, we may not like our current situation, and pretending otherwise while planning our next steps is not always helpful. As multidimensional individuals, we are capable of acknowledging and existing in our current reality while working towards a brighter future. Additionally, attributing all our achievements to the universe may disregard the importance of our hard work and passion.
Being spiritually mature does not require us to suppress or control our emotions. Instead, it involves embracing the world around us and acknowledging that we have more questions than answers. True spirituality provides us with freedom - freedom from our inner critic and external pressures, allowing us to feel and be our authentic selves. It also offers the freedom to believe in something greater without punishing ourselves when life gets tough.
We do not have to disown certain parts of ourselves to be spiritual. Rather, embracing our spiritual nature means accepting our humanity in all its messy complexity. It is not necessary to blame ourselves for being human; rather, we can recognize that our imperfections and vulnerabilities are a vital part of who we are.
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