Let me assure you, this article does not concern the supernatural ability to read minds, like Edward Cullen from the Twilight series. Only hypothetical vampires, if they exist, can perform such an act. Instead, the article focuses on perceiving what others want to say without relying on their words. It's about discerning their true intentions, even if their words suggest otherwise. The ability to read people accurately can greatly impact your personal, social, and professional life. By comprehending someone's emotional state, you can adjust your communication style and message to ensure that it is well-received. Despite sounding like a cliché, you do not require any special abilities to read people's emotions. Therefore, I have compiled 17 tips to help you read people like a professional.
To effectively read people, you must remain impartial and open-minded. Refrain from allowing your emotions and prior experiences to influence your opinions and impressions of others. According to Judith Orloff M.D in Psychology Today, it is crucial to surrender to other essential forms of information, including non-verbal intuitive cues, to read someone accurately. To perceive someone accurately, it is necessary to remain objective and receive information neutrally without distorting it.
When attempting to read people, pay attention to their appearance as it can reveal some information about their personality. Judith Orloff M.D suggests that you notice what someone is wearing to gain insight into their character. For example, someone who dresses formally could be ambitious, while someone who wears casual clothes might prefer comfort. Identity claims are deliberate statements made through appearances, such as a t-shirt with slogans, tattoos, or rings, that reveal attitudes, goals, and values. Sam Gosling, a personality psychologist at the University of Texas, says that people make these claims intentionally to be seen authentically rather than positively.
There are also findings that suggest that certain psychological traits may be read on a person's face. According to Vinita Mehta Ph.D., Ed.M. in Psychology Today, higher levels of extraversion are associated with more protruding nose and lips, a recessive chin, and masseter muscles. Conversely, lower levels of extraversion are related to the opposite pattern, where the area around the nose appears to press against the face. Nonetheless, more research is necessary to understand this phenomenon fully.
Pay attention to their posture: A person’s posture reveals their attitude. Confident people hold their head high, while those with low self-esteem may walk indecisively or cower. Look for these signs to gauge their level of self-confidence.
Watch their physical movements: People express their feelings through their movements. For example, leaning toward someone indicates a connection, while leaning away suggests a wall. Crossing arms or legs signifies defensiveness, anger, or self-protection. Hiding hands suggests hiding something, while lip biting or cuticle picking may indicate pressure or discomfort. These nonverbal cues can reveal a lot about a person’s emotional state.
Interpret facial expressions carefully
Your face can betray your emotions, so it’s important to pay attention to facial expressions. According to Judith Orloff M.D, frown lines indicate worry or overthinking, while genuine laughter shows crow’s feet. Pursed lips can signal anger or bitterness, and a clenched jaw and teeth grinding are signs of tension. In Psychology Today, Susan Krauss Whitbourne Ph.D. identifies three types of smiles: the reward smile, the affiliative smile, and the dominance smile.
Embrace small talk
Small talk may make you uncomfortable, but it’s a valuable way to get to know someone. By observing how they behave in normal situations, you can establish a baseline and more accurately identify any unusual behavior. The book The Silent Language of Leaders: How Body Language Can Help–or Hurt–How You Lead cautions against not establishing this baseline as a common error people make when trying to read others.
Pay attention to the person’s overall behavior
It's easy to assume that certain actions, such as looking down at the floor during a conversation, indicate nervousness or anxiety. However, if you're familiar with the person, you'll be able to tell whether they're avoiding eye contact or simply relaxing. As former FBI counterintelligence agent LaRae Quy explains, people have different quirks and patterns of behavior, some of which may simply be mannerisms. To accurately read someone, establish a baseline of their normal behavior and watch for any deviations, such as changes in tone, pace, or body language.
Ask direct questions for straightforward answers
To receive a direct answer, avoid asking vague questions and instead ask those that require a clear response. As the person responds, observe their mannerisms but avoid interrupting them. INC suggests looking for "action words" that provide insight into how the person thinks, such as if your boss says they "decided to go with brand X," indicating that they likely aren't impulsive, have considered multiple options, and think things through.
Take note of nonverbal cues
Pay attention to nonverbal cues as they can reveal a lot about a person. These can include body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. According to experts, facial expressions like frown lines and crow's feet can indicate emotions like worry, joy, anger, contempt, or bitterness. Additionally, small talk can be useful in observing a person's behavior in normal situations, which can be used as a benchmark to spot any unusual behavior.
Establish a baseline of normal behavior
Creating a baseline of a person's normal behavior can help you identify any deviations that may indicate something is wrong. People have different quirks and patterns of behavior, so it's important to be familiar with them to avoid misinterpreting them. Observe changes in their tone, pace, or body language to notice when something is wrong.
Ask direct questions
To get a straight answer, ask direct questions that require a clear response. Interrupting the person while they are answering can disrupt their flow and prevent you from picking up on mannerisms that could reveal more. Additionally, look out for action words as they offer insights into how a person thinks.
Notice words and tone
Pay attention to the words people use and their tone. They may use certain words to boost their self-image and rely on others for praise. The tone of voice can also reveal a lot about their emotions, such as whether they are soothing or abrasive.
Trust your gut feeling
Your gut feeling can give you a visceral reaction when you first meet a person, indicating whether you are at ease or not. This internal truth meter relays if you can trust people, according to experts.
Feel the goosebumps
Goosebumps can be an indication that a person is moving or inspiring us. They can also happen when someone says something that strikes a chord within us or when we experience déjà vu.
Keep an eye out for sudden insights
Occasionally, you may have a sudden insight about someone that provides you with valuable information. However, you must remain attentive because these insights come in a flash, and we tend to overlook them because we move on to the next thought too quickly.
According to Judith Orloff M.D, gut feelings are your internal truth meter and occur quickly:
"Gut feelings occur quickly, a primal response. They're your internal truth meter, relaying if you can trust people."
Pay attention to the person's energy
This means that we need to be aware of the general emotional atmosphere surrounding us. When you analyze people, observe if the person has a friendly energy that draws you towards them or a negative energy that repels you.
According to Judith Orloff M.D, energy is:
"This is the overall energy we emit, not necessarily congruent with words or behavior."
Observe people's eyes
They say our eyes are the windows to our souls - they convey powerful energies. So, take the time to examine people's eyes. Can you see kindness or malice in their eyes? Are their eyes guarded or open?
According to Scientific American, eyes can "reveal whether we are lying or telling the truth" and can "serve as an effective detector for what people like" by examining the size of their pupils.
Avoid making assumptions, as they can lead to misunderstandings. When reading others, it is important to be conscious of biases and not to make assumptions without knowing the person. The Silent Language of Leaders: How Body Language Can Help–or Hurt–How You Lead points out several errors people make when reading others, including not being aware of biases. Assuming someone is angry, for instance, can lead you to see all of their actions as being driven by concealed anger. It's important not to jump to conclusions and to keep an open and positive mind when reading people.
To become better at reading people, it's important to practice. The more you study people, the better you'll become at accurately reading them. As an exercise, try watching talk shows on mute and observing the guests' facial expressions and actions. This can help you understand what they're feeling even without hearing their words. Then, watch the show again with the volume on and see if your observations match up with what's being said.
To sum up, learning how to read people is crucial as it enables you to understand the difficulties and desires of those around you. This skill can enhance your emotional intelligence and is attainable for anyone. The key is knowing what to observe.
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